United Ireland “inevitable” after Gerry Adams asks Santa nicely

Getting ahead of the curve, Gerry Adams has written to Santa Claus extra early this year, asking for the same thing he always does – for people to forget he was in the IRA and for a United Ireland.

Speaking to press, Mr. Adams said: “I asked very very very politely this year, which is two “vary”s more than last year. I think he can’t keep ignoring me. It’s been on my list since 1999! I’ve been a good boy every single year!”

Santa will probably examine other factors in Mr. Adam’s request, including the fact that Sinn Féin are now close to having the most seats in Stormont, and that everyone wants a United Ireland following Brexit.

Although Gerry is not directly involved with SF in the North, he is using his direct line to Santa to turn the odds in his favour.

To counteract this, DUP leader Arlene Foster has written to her superior, Satan. The contents of the letter were not disclosed.

Follow Eritas for updates on the story.

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