Eritas’ Guide to Dublin’s nightlife

Dublin boasts one of the most exciting nightlife scenes in Europe if not the world. Only Baghdad or Brussels would give you a bigger adrenaline rush, which is why we decided to give tourists an insight into some of the best places to go out in Dublin.

Firstly, if you’re American just stop reading right now. It’s Paddy not Patty. It’s craic not crack. It’s drink til you pass out not drink til you become annoying. We don’t want to hear about how beautiful our country is, we know, and we certainly don’t care that your drinking age is 21 – that’s your problem. If you still insist on having an amazing night in Dublin, we won’t stop you, but it might be too much for some to handle.

As in many places around the globe, Irish people oftentimes pre-drink (or prink) in order to save money on nights out. Bouncers across the city warmly welcome this tradition, in fact they love if you give them your debit card instead of ID. They also appreciate honesty – if you’ve downed 5 cans in 40 seconds, don’t be modest about it! Let them know how strong you are and how manly your tolerance is.

The main nightclub for tourists is Copper Face Jack’s on Harcourt Street, more commonly known as Coppers. Here scientists have observed an ecosystem of itself forming after millions of years of evolution. The drunken male performs a mating call in order to attract an equally intoxicated female in the hope of sharing a taxi ride home with her, more commonly  known as getting the ride. Meanwhile, an underage teen who has snook past security observes her surroundings, using their advanced peripheral vision to detect bouncers chasing her at a distance. David Attenborough has signed a contract with Coppers to narrate a night in 2018 (if he makes it).

Another popular spot to head out is Temple Bar. This area has a higher density of tourists in a single spot than a black hole, messing up many of Einstein’s equations. Here you will find many different cultures, all getting drunk on overpriced alcohol together, getting no feel of Irish life whatsoever.

Finally, for those adventurists out there, going out on the north side of the city is perhaps more dangerous than drinking a bleach and rat poison cocktail. We recommend wearing bullet and stab-proof vests, as well as possibly renting a private security detail for your friend group. These bodyguards demand to be paid upfront because usually at least one person is killed whilst using an ATM. Nice scenery though.

That wraps up our guide of nightlife in Dublin City. Did we miss anything? Contact us at fuck@off.ie to voice your much-appreciated opinion.c

 

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