2018 Catholic Games to be held in Co. Longford

After god came out as an atheist, the remaining Catholics announced that the next Catholic Games will be held in Co. Longford in 2018.

Speaking via webcast, Fr. Dougal Maguire said “So yeah we’re having the next Catholic Games in Longford in 5 years time. No, wait… 2 years, sorry. Silly me.”

The Catholic Games (more commonly known as “The Gamez” in the priesthood), take place every four years to promote Catholicism and try make people forget about all the child abuse scandals.

The most prestigious disciplines include 100m, 200m, 400m and 1,000m Child-Chasing, Water-to-Wine converting, Communion Bread Toss and of course Contraception-Burning. Record holder Fr. Mo Lester is currently the favourite to win gold in the 200m Child-Chasing and Communion Bread Toss.

Fr. Maguire said that this is the first year The Gamez won’t be using god’s judgement, rather high-speed cameras. “Everyone kept saying that god told them they’re right, I believe them all but we just needed cameras. Plus they’ll take snazzy pictures for the advent calendar.”

When asked about why the committee chose Longford over places like Rome or Warsaw, Fr. Maguire replied “Eh not sure. Looks like rain Fred.”

Eritas will be providing real-time coverage of The Gamez in 2018 so stay tuned.


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