Becoming a parent is a great accomplishment and brings joy to not only the parents but also to friends and family. It’s really one of those indescribable things which all parents agree must be experienced for oneself. That’s exactly why as a parent, it’s your responsibility to have only the highest-quality ketamine at pre drinks for your toddler’s birthday.
As the saying goes, “You don’t love your child if you don’t show up to their birthday plastered and with white traces under your nose”. The way you plan your pre drinks for their birthday will affect your child for years to come – from helping their cognitive development to boosting their confidence and love of substance abuse.
Paediatrician Dr. Margaret Power spoke to Eritas about the main do’s and don’t’s when it comes to pre drinking prior to your child’s birthday.
“It’s commonly accepted amongst doctors that all parents should have drank at least half their body mass in alcohol before going to their child’s birthday party, and while I know it’s common sense I believe it’s worth stating. Secondly, we would recommend to parents that they begin using illegal drugs as soon as possible, with the child’s second birthday being the ideal time. This will encourage the toddler to be curious and learn to handle new objects such as needles and bongs. The more pointy and sharp the object, the better. This will make them immune from AIDS which isn’t that big a disease anyway.”
Mother of three, Danielle, who has been taking advice from Dr. Power, praised her paediatrician’s ability to cater to her and her children’s needs. “She’s very kind and helpful, especially when it comes to bringing hundreds of cans in from Lidl. Her arms, god bless them, can carry 2 x 8-packs, which really helps when it comes to planning pres. And with baby Bulmer on the way in a few months, it’s great to know Magner and I will be able to plan and execute pres in the best possible way.”
When it comes to the birthday itself, many wonder “how much is too much?”. The rule of thumb is if the substance is solid and illegal, you can never have enough. It helps to make weed-infused cakes at the birthday too which always gets the dry and boring people at the party high as well. Meanwhile, too many cans after pres can take up space in your stomach for hours. Dr. Power recommends “drinking yourself to death with spirits containing at least 40% alcohol. My personal favourite is poitín. Neck a naggin of that and you’ll end up naked on the roof of a house in Tallaght with nothing but a dusty-white card in your hand.”
The Paediatricians’ Educational Development Organisation (PEDO) will be hosting a fair at the RDS in Dublin this October to give parents advice many things, including how to pass a breathalyser test, how to outrun Gardaí and how to blame your child for your bar tab.
Stay tuned with Eritas for more.