Dublin Bus v.s LUAS – which is shitter?

With the drivers of Dublin Bus opting to go on strike following in the footsteps of their peers at LUAS, Eritas News presents an exclusive analysis into which of the two transport systems in Dublin are worst?

Eritas Transport Editor, Thomas Thetankengine gives his insight.

“It all comes down to how you define shit, to be quite honest. Some classify it in its literal sense, meaning faeces, but we’re on a whole other scale here! Dublin Bus and LUAS are lightyears ahead of faeces, with some experts labelling them as super-shit, a completely new category and a first for Dublin City.”

“Lets briefly cover the LUAS, since it barely covers any of Dublin. The red line on the north side is a bit like playing Call of Duty zombies in real life – hands everywhere; some trying to pickpocket you, others trying to grope you, and in many cases, both. You’d want to have the patience of a saint and the intelligence of a brick to ride on this line. On the southside we have the green line, which isn’t much better. If you find yourself near the Harcourt stop anywhere after 10 in the evening you’d best be ready to listen to drunk conversations about who can spit the furthest or produce the smelliest fart. Charming, one might say.”

“This isn’t in big contrast to Dublin Bus, which can also have a few routes full of drunk students at a late enough hour. Avoid the top deck unless you’re seriously in the mood for chants about the IRA, Kolo Toure or unidentifiable words. If you find yourself on a ‘normal’ bus, you’re only fooling yourself. Chances are, there’s a creepy auld lad staring at you from behind, possibly two.”

We asked Mr. Thetankengine which he thinks is ultimately the worst.

“The competition between who’s shitter is a close one in this case. It’s really a matter of opinion in the end. I’d have to say the LUAS because it’s the only place in the universe where you have security guards in bullet-proof vests whose literal purpose is to stand and look pretty. That’s just my two cents.”

What do you think? Stay up to date with Eritas News.


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