Where are they now?

We like to remember the people and moments which shaped history and made today’s world what it now is. In this article, we’ll look back on some big things that happened, and the people that made them happen, so sit back, relax and make sure your front facing camera is pointed at at you because your face is about to have a look of genuine disgust.

MH370 – This one nearly flew over my head. Lol. After a plane decided to stop replying to traffic control (like when lads can’t get the girl to text back), there was all sorts of chaos! Some thought it was terrorists, others thought it was aliens, one thing’s for certain – it was probably Sinn Fein. The squad from MH370 are probably all chilling in the back arse of nowhere, or they’re dead, or maybe they’re down at the local taking the definition of “a few quiet ones” to a whole new level…

Mass shooters of America – What can we say, like these are so frequent that it’s tough to say it’s a past series of events. School shootings have shown us that white children in the US are really moving away from console shooter games and trying out more realistic ones! From 3D blood splatters to surround-sound screams, these little rascals are just doing it for the next-gen experience. Meanwhile shootings at police have given Cops ‘n’ Robbers a whole new dimension of reality! Just shoot at anything really, it’s all just a big game.

Osama Bin Laden – What a lad… The world’s best player of hide and seek as we all know was shot dead at his own house party in Pakistan which was a serious buzzkill. Girls just wanna have fun! We’re sure the big man’s up there somewhere hanging out, laughing about the big misunderstanding he had with the US government, probably a naggin in his hand. You go girl.

Kim Jong-Un – How could we make a list without including the big dawg! Yeah he’s still alive but he’s really dry when it comes to keeping contact with people so he might as well be dead. Plus he keeps playing around with nukes which will give him either a slow unpleasant death or super cool mutant powers! That’d be deadly to see actually, anyone up for a trip to Pyongyang?

People who say YOLO – The only reasonable explanation as to the disappearance of this species is that they were wiped out through natural selection. Thankfully saying YOLO before jumping off a roof or shooting yourself in the foot has wiped out 96.3% of YOLO speakers according to recent studies. Organisations such as the United Nations are calling for the other 3.7% to be found and sent into space, but until then we’ll have to settle with what we’ve got!

Did we cover everything? Was there something we missed out? We don’t give a single fuck about your opinion, assume those were rhetorical questions. Go away. Shoo.



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