College student complains that summer job is getting in the way of his drinking

UCD Arts student Ryan Clarke has complained to Eritas that his summer internship in Dublin has seriously impeded the amount of time he can dedicate to preparing for drinking, actually drinking, and recovering from drinking.

“From September to May, I can drink myself to death, whenever I want, wherever I want. It justifies the idea of university for me to be honest. I don’t really care about my course, it’s all just words and stuff: my real passion is getting twisted.”

Thousands of college students around the country are experiencing the same problems.

Annette Ward from UCC has also expressed discontent towards how little she can waste her life now that she’s a member of the workforce: “I don’t know what I’m doing at work. Sometimes I’m typing, other times I’m photocopying, it’s really all a load of shite, and I only got the job because my uncle’s neighbour’s best friend is the manager. Every day I whip out my calculator to see how much Amber Leaf and Buckfast I can afford with the money I’ve earned so far.”

Some college students are simply continuing the sesh at work, such as GMIT student, Brian Johnson.

“I love my job haha. It becomes funner when I drinks! Hahaha! I talk to aaaalll the customers and they talk to me, I’m not sure about what. Actually, I’ll have to cut this thingy-thing interview short because I’m off to the off licence to get a licence – haha no I’m messing, I’m buying more vodka!”

In order to match the trend, some employers have even offered jobs which allow employees to get fucked, such as Kilroy Solicitors Ltd.

“When we have to defend all sorts of jackasses in court, we understand how a naggin of Jack Daniels takes the edge off. Sure Atticus Finch couldn’t’ve saved Tom Robinson without a bit of sauce in him! That’s why all our solicitors are allowed hit the beer all day, we’re hoping this will boost productivity!”

Eritas is also allowing its writers to drink themselves silly whenever they want. Time for Copper’s!


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