While you might be booking holidays to Spain right now, you should really be hooking up your stockings for this Christmas! Don’t worry though, the Eritas Guide to getting a head-start on Xmas has you covered.
As we all know, it’s almost July, which means the year is almost halfway over, implying that the year is basically coming to an end – and we all know what that means: eating food til we’re sick and buying presents to show off our wealth!
We’re going to give you a few key tips on how to make Xmas “xtra” special this year, and since you’re starting so early, people will have such high expectations of you that by the time you fail, everyone will know you’re useless!
Tip #1: Don’t be afraid to invest – we all know the saying that you need to spend money to make money, and this becomes so true when it comes to Xmas shopping! If you see a 10 ft tree costing €250, don’t look at it like that. Look at it as €100 on impressing people you like who visit your home, €100 on those you do like and €50 on having a place behind which to get drunk at Xmas parties! Let’s try the same for a €30 gift voucher for your co-worker: €29 on getting her to shut the fuck up about how she needs new headphones, €1 for the actual headphones. Works like a charm.
Tip #2: Wearing Xmas sweaters between now and December WON’T make people think you’re fucking weird – Hello? You’d think this is an obvious one, but apparently some people feel very self-conscious if they wear Xmas-themed clothing before Dec 1st.. FUCK THEM! You have every right to look like Elsa, or Rudolph or Santa, even if it is only July and 19 degrees outside!
Tip #3: Tell everyone you’re doing this – As we said before, let everyone know you’re starting planning Xmas in July. This way they’ll know you’re shit at planning, and also they’ll be able to take the piss out of you for 6 months! Win-win!
Tip #4: There’s no “I” in “Team” – Not only should you tell people about this, but also try get them to join you in your sad way of passing time! Force them to help you if needs be, it’s Jesus’ birth we’re celebrating for god’s sake! How would you like it if people didn’t spend 6 months preparing for your baby’s birthday?!
Tip #5: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle – Anything can be used for Xmas. Anything. All the Xmas cards from 2015? Reusable. Crinkly and torn wrapping paper? Saving the trees. Presents from last year? It’s not stealing if you give it back to them as a present!
Bonus Tip: You can never over-prepare for Xmas. We recommend spending a week writing down what you will do on Xmas Eve and Day, with minute-by-minute accuracy. If your grandmother shows up at 6:57 instead of 7:00, yell at the inconsiderate old hag for 3 minutes to keep Xmas running smoothly.