Google CEO Sundar Pichai has revealed via a post on Google+ (which had to be reposted on Facebook for people to actually see) that the company will be teaming up with boy racers around Ireland in order to improve the technology of autonomous vehicles.
The move comes as Google seek to expand their ever-growing empire in their quest to conquer the universe, one robot-killer-car at a time.
Google Engineers first came up with ‘Project Douche’ when they saw how poorly boy racers drive: “We noticed that their driving skills were really on par with those of an infant.” said Head of Research, Frank Walker. “However, instead of making their cars drive safely, we thought it’d be nice to speed up (no pun intended) the process of them getting into a serious accident. That’s when we started working on Project Douche.”
Jonny boi, from Co. Donegal said “I think this’ll be great for everyone – we get to roll our Amber leaf while the car drives itself, this sort of multitasking wasn’t possible ever before and it’ll make us even more dangerous to innocent road users!”
Another absolute legend, P.J O’Hara from Co. Longford shared a similar view: “Absolutely class this technology is. I just hope Google still let us lower our cars so they make that trademark scraping noise when they go over a bump!”
The self-driving cars will be rolled out across Irish boy racers starting in mid-2018, with major features promised: tinted windows, cheap spoilers & speakers, unnecessarily loud exhausts and a joint-holder for when the occupants need to blaze it.
Motor and Tech analysts alike believe Apple will launch a similar vehicle, but only give it one extra feature with a cool name and charge double the price.
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