Trump to re-write schoolbooks if elected

US Presidential candidate Donald Trump has announced at a recent rally that if elected he will re-structure the curriculum of schools across America in order to fit in with his beliefs, affecting mainly history, science and geography books.

“It’s time we started telling our kids the truth about how this great nation was built. Obama has for too long been brainwashing us with his bullsh*t stories about the ‘Civil War’ and ‘WW2’… It’s like a fairytale that everyone knows is made up!”

On his website, Mr. Trump outlined some of the changes to be made in the event of Armageddon/his election:

  • America was not discovered by Europeans, rather the (white) Americans discovered Europe and established Trumpland (now England), Le Trump (now France) and El Trump (now Spain).
  • White people were the only type of people until the sun was invented in 1883, when people without suncream started to tan.
  • The Earth is not flat and not round – it is in the shape of Donald Trump’s hair which explains all unanswered questions of modern physics.
  • The actual map of the world looks like this:trump2
  • The Great Wall of China used to separate the US from Mexico until it was stolen by the Chinese.
  • ‘Make America Great Again’ is actually a Commandment given to Moses (whose real name is actually Michael) on Mount Trump.
  • Climate change is a poor attempt by China to steal something (not sure what yet).

Children between the ages of 8-16 will be expected to learn these facts off by heart, otherwise they will be thrown down the Great Wall of Trump. (Humpty Dumpty will also be re-written to incorporate this fear tactic).

For all presidential race updates, follow Eritas News.

 

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