Union leader Rex, a 3 year old labrador, has announced that all members of the Dog’s Union of Managing Pay (DUMP) will be going on strike effective immediately.
The move comes after the Dublin Airport Authority (DAA) decided to cut the minimum wage from 3 “good boy!”s and 4 treats per hour to just a quick pat on the back and 2 treats.
Dogs and Human personnel alike are unhappy with the wage reduction, with non-dog employees threatening to strike as well if the demands of DUMP are not met.
“It’s not fair on the dogs, especially the little pups. They work hard to sniff out contraband like drugs, guns and other illegal substances. They keep our skies safe from terrorism and bottles containing more than 100mL of fluid” said supervisor Angela Flannery.
“My partner Fluffy is devastated, I don’t know how he’s supposed to support his family with that small of a wage…”
Talks are set to be held between DUMP and the DAA next Thursday afternoon. It is hoped that the two sides will reach an agreement, as experts fear things might take a turn for the worse if nothing is settled: “There will be lots more hounds pissing on lamp posts, and we all know that unemployment amongst dogs leads to gangs and organised crime.”
Analysts believe that the settling the dispute will result in the dogs receiving the usual 3 “good boy!”s but only 3 treats per hour, with 4 treats for every overtime hour done. “It’ll be ruff bringing home money if they cut our wages that much” barked Spots. At this moment a ball accidentally fell from the table and Spots began chasing it around.
Eritas will keep you posted on updates.