The European Commission of Smug City Selection has failed to surprise once more, after a unanimous vote was passed picking the people of Cork as the most smug bastards in Europe. The county has gracefully accepted this award every year since 1997.
The nominees for the award were the people of Paris, London, Geneva, and for the first time in 5 years, South Dublin.
“The competition was very close this year” said presenter Mark Burns. “The other cities are all still a shower of smug pricks – but the people of Cork just take the cake!”
“From ridiculous statements such as ‘We should be the capital’ to ‘Every other accent is just weird’, our friends in Munster really out-do themselves year in, year out.”
Eritas went onto the streets of Cork city to see how the locals were reacting:
“We’re thrilled!” exclaimed mother of 2 Betty McMahon. “We put in the effort to raise our children to love their county in an unhealthily obsessive way. It’s an honour to win it, but then again, we are the only legitimate city in the world, so…”.
Another subject we interviewed was a 2 month old baby who could not speak, but gave us a very contempt look.
“Sure even Michael Collins was born and assassinated here – you tell me that piece of history alone doesn’t make us the centre of the universe!” explained another Cork local. “I have a theory that the Easter Rising actually happened in Cork but the Government brainwashed us all into thinking it was in Dublin.”
The mayor of Cork City, Chris O’Leary, made a few announcements to a large crowd gathering in the city centre: “Next year when we win the award again, we’re gonna have a huge sesh bai! We’ll also rename the River Lee to the River Cork-Rules, we’ll be changing currency to Corks and we’re also declaring independence! Roll on 2017 bai!”
On our way out of Cork, we saw thousands of sheep half-painted red to match the county colours.
We wish the people of Cork all the best in their own little world.