After a disappointing own-goal late in the game versus Sweden, President Higgins has made a televised broadcast announcing he’s dusting off the shin pads to help out our boys in green secure a victory against Belgium.
Speaking to the people of Ireland, “Watching us lose out on those 3 points made me want to cry. We can’t be having that if Shane Long is to kick it over the bar and score the winning point in the finals. We need to win the Sam Maguire.”
It is unclear if this was a joke or if Higgins is unfamiliar with the rules of soccer football.
“I have decided to take matters into my own hands for once and join the team. I’ll be playing full-forward, or whatever that is in soccer. I’m small, I’m quick and I can use my magical powers on defenders.”
Irish skipper Martin O’Neill remains skeptical, saying “I love Michael, he’s a sound president but I’m not sure he’s able to make us into a Barcelona-style team. I hope he proves me wrong.”
Higgins will be wearing the no. 69 jersey after his favourite position.
“You’ll see me belting out Amhrán na Bhfiann at the top of my lungs, it’ll put the fear of almighty god into those Belgians.”
We wish President Higgins the best of luck in his first appearance for Ireland.